12 hours and a bottle of Scotch later

12 hours and a bottle of Scotch later I don't feel much better, but it does sting less. To paraphrase Pink Floyd, Uncomfortably Numb isn't a bad description of how I feel tonight. I don't mind saying that today has been the hardest day of my life, and that's despite losing people who were especially close to me; a grandfather, a grandmother, and an uncle who I all admired greatly and who I miss acutely each day for one reason or another. I have trouble with change. I don't like it. I don't adjust well. I'm a hard ass Cynic-Stoic in the Classic and modern senses, and I'm sure some people think that I don't actually have a heart. And that may be true, until something cuts me to the core, and this has actually hurt me worse than any change I've ever had to deal with. My friends and family know that I wear my heart and my mind on my sleeve, and for anyone who is just getting to know me, it won't take long to figure that out.

I feel terrible for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that a I wish I didn't feel so terrible. I feel like I failed my little buddy. I know I shouldn't, and I know I put too much upon myself, but that's just the way I am. I adopted my kitty, who's names ranged from Clarice, Burrito, and Poopy Cat from Second Chance Pet Adoptions in September, 2000. She was always "my cat," going so far as establishing a detente relationship with my ex-wife. That should have told me something, to be sure, when they didn't get along from day one. From my struggles with one thing or another, and though my divorce, my cat was the one constant that I could always rely on. When all else failed, when I was alone, I could always depend on my little buddy to cheer me up. I did the best I could by her, spoiling her and taking the best care I could, but that doesn't really comfort me yet. I know that it will, eventually, but my nature is to always to more than my best. My nature is to go above and beyond, to sacrifice more than I can afford, to spare no expense, to take care of those around me. This is a new feeling for me, and I don't like it.

I've cleared my apartment of all of her things, and I've stored things that I can reuse later when I decide to get another cat. I'm not one to beat around the bush or waste time. When it's time to get shit done, I move on it. But it hurts to see empty spaces where she used to nap, or where her bed was located. My apartment seems too large and empty now. I know that I'm not meant to be completely alone, no matter how much I am a misanthropic bastard, and I'll adopt another kitty in the future. It's too much in my nature to have someone to care for and spoil. But for now, I have to get over the loss of my friend who was with me though thick and thin, and who took care of me as much as I took care of her.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

I shall find a way or make one.

But that doesn't mean it won't hurt getting there.

Summer Reading

It's no secret that I like to read. Of the things I'll be sacrificing for law school, recreational reading is near the top of what I'll miss the most. Between my acceptance and this weekend, I embarked on a mission to burn through a lot of things that I have wanted to read. I used to alternate between so-called junk food reading, and intellectual reading. I'd finish a fantasy novel, then move on to a book about the rise and fall of Confederate Nationalism. For the summer I spoiled myself and went through complete entertaining reading and giving my "thinking brain" some time off. I had a great time exploring a few books that I thought I'd list here, with a little bit of commentary, just to share what I spent the summer burying my nose in. If anyone is looking for a good book to waste a few fall and winter hours on, you would not go wrong with any of these. They're all well written and just downright fun.

The Del Rey Robert E. Howard Collections

Del Rey has done a spectacular job collecting the stories of Robert E. Howard and reprinting them in their original form, most of them taken from the original typescripts. Howard is famous for creating Conan, in the 1920s and 1930s pulp literature magazines, but he was a prolific writer in several action and adventure genres. Of all of them, my favorites are the El Borak stories set in early 20th century Afghanistan. From the action, to the landscapes, to the tribes and characters, those stories were just awesome from page to page. I also recommend Howard's Boxing Stories, if you can get a copy of the Bison Books anthologies. I had to track one down online and by a discarded library copy. Hopefully Del Rey will put together a collection of these in the near future. There's humor, honor, and serious attention to the sweet sport of boxing. As well there should be, Howard was a contending amateur in the booming Texas oil town where he lived. I can't recommend Howard enough.

The Han Solo Adventures by Brian Daley

Back in 1979, the Star Wars Universe consisted of the movie, the novel Splinter of the Mind's Eye, some fan club material, and the three small Han Solo novels by Brian Daley. I picked up an anthology of these stories for $1.65 at the local used book store and I don't think I've ever paid so little for so much entertainment. Not burdened with decades of Expanded Universe mess, these novels reminded me of the heart of classic Star Wars, something I think we've lost. In terms of my accepted Star Wars Canon, these books are a welcome addition.

To Kill A Mockingbird

I was required to read this for discussion at an ethics panel during orientation, but I still consider it recreation. I hadn't read it since high school, but reading it now with more than 15 years of adulthood under my belt, I gained a new appreciation for it. Harper Lee knocked out an instant literary masterpiece that no one could follow. I am a fan of Faulkner and his take on Southern Lit. If he's the dark and sinister end of the spectrum, Lee is the good hearted optimistic end, even if Mockingbird is dark and sinister in its own way. If you haven't read it since high school, go pick up a ubiquitous used copy and laze away a Sunday afternoon with it. You won't regret it.

The Road

Speaking of Faulkner, Cormac McArthy channels him very well in this depressing and bleak Pulitzer Prize winner. I watched the movie, and decided to tackle the book because of a few recommendations. I was not disappointed. Loving Faulkner like I do, I was immediately drawn into the prose and could not put the book down. For it's depravity and emotional punches, I read it faster than anything over the summer.

Shadows Over Baker Street

An anthology of stories blending Sherlock Holmes and the world of H.P. Lovecraft. As with most multi-author anthologies the quality of the stories runs the gamut of piss-poor to spectacular. Neil Gaiman's Study In Emerald was great, but it's Gaiman, so he usually knows what he's doing! Still, nothing beats the original stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and I knew better than to expect them to be up to the creator's quality. Earlier this year I had re-read many of Lovecraft's works, so this was a nice follow up. You don't need to know much about Sherlock Holmes or Lovecraft to read these stories, but it does help and will increase your enjoyment.

The Lando Calrissian Adventures

In the tradition of the Han Solo books, these three novels hit in 1983 around the time of Return of the Jedi. I found a nice used copy and have only recently started reading. I finished the first story this week, and have the other two yet to finish. The Mindharp of Sharu was OK, but it was a bit of a let down after the Han Solo books. I do enjoy how they are more stand alone stories not concerned with tying in every little single detail from movies, books, etc.

The Conan Comics by Dark Horse

Dark Horse Comics has been publishing Conan comics for several years now, and has collected them in trade paperback format. They are, in a word, spectacular. The writing is fantastic and the artwork captures the Hyborean Age in such a colorful and visceral manner, that whenever I read the Howard stories, Cary Nord's artwork is what I visualize. Many of the stories are adapted from Howard's manuscripts, but others are original stories to fill in the gaps in Conan's life. Unlike the pastiche stories by Lin Carter and others, these are of much better quality. Dark Horse and their talent have a genuine love of the character and the world and it shows. Of all of them, Volume 0 is my favorite. It collects the stand alone stories featuring Conan growing up in his village, something hinted at but never told. They did such an amazing job telling those stories that I want to hear more about the travels of Conan's grandfather! These books have single handedly gotten me back into the comic shops and even to a comic convention. Now that's saying something!

Lankhmar Collections

Honorable mention go to the collections of Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and Gray Mouser stories. I started reading these stories last fall, but I finished up the last few in the weeks before I went on my reading binge. Humor, high fantasy, and a certain amount of perverse realism come off the page with these stories, and I recommend them as a good diversion from modern fantasy with their 12+ novel story lines spread out by their authors over 20+ years.

With a few exceptions, that about covers it. I've also rediscovered Cerebus, but haven't spent much time actually reading the trades. I want to collect them all before I get too far into them, and they are rare to pick up on a used basis. I'm not in any hurry, and think that I'll probably give Cerebus time to ferment until the summer of 2011. That gives me plenty of time to track down all of the trades, and gives me one more excuse to hit a convention or two when I have some extra walkin' around money.

So, that about concludes my essay on What I Did This Summer. At least the literary aspect. One of the things I've discovered that there is nothing like a lazy evening lounging in my office recliner with a cup of tea, an entertaining book, and my kitteh helping me read.

Local Color: Danny Sharp - Torg Character

I think it's time I take advantage of some downtime and talk about something more fun and lighthearted. Here's a brief run down on another character of mine that's near and dear to my heart. I think I'm going to call these character treatise "Local Color," after the literary term describing works that conform to a particular geographic location. They are local to me. There is also another play on words, as among some of my gaming circles, a Player Character is thought to be in "technicolor" when the player is present, or local, and in "black and white" when the character is around, but the player is not.

Danny was supposed to be a one shot, throw away character. He was written as comic relief at the start of a campaign with no real thought towards survival or any real potential. He ended up being one of my longest running characters next to Alex and Balent. I'll have to pen a few words on those guys one of these days.

Torg is a multiversal cross genre game where magic, reality, technology, religion and all genres overlap and compete for dominance. It's common to have a mage fighting side by side with a Secret Service Agent against a technocratic cyberpriest with dinosaurian minions in a realm where technology more advanced than the stone age will not function due to the warping of the rules of reality. Events called Reality Storms can hit, evolving, devolving, and rewriting reality on the spot. Really crazy shit. Danny, introduced into this world of wild fantasy had the most mundane of origins. He was a homeless Vietnam vet (living on the underbelly of Raleigh of all places) always on the lookout for his next bottle of hooch.

Danny's skill set was based around some combat skills, some really snazzy healing, and not much else. I had the idea that he was a combat medic in the Nam, and I didn't expect him to have a long life expectancy, so I dumped most of his points into healing because it was easier than balancing out his stats and build for serious, long term play. Based on that, how in the hell did he end up with Gen. George S. Patton's dress uniform as depicted above? Well, I'll get to that in a minute.

The Torg game started with each of the players rolling up two characters. To emphasize the "no-holds-barred" style we were going for, lethality was set pretty high at the outset. We were supposed to have a spare character or two on the hook. In fact, we were all playing two characters at a time so as to keep things flowing if one of them gets knocked off, the player would still have one character in the adventure without having to take the trouble to introduce another one on the spot. Well, my other character was a park ranger. He was supposed to be a serious and half-way balanced character to survive in this crazy world gone wrong. And he was taken out on his very first roll in the very first time we dropped into rounds. Really.

When the adventure opened, a Reality Storm hit and all of the PCs had to make a Reality Check. No big deal, and everyone passed except for my Park Ranger. Dude rolled a 1. On his first roll. Ever. So, thanks to the effects of the Storm, he devolved into a caveman, clubbed on the other characters for a while, and ran off into the chaos to live a happy, violent cave man life. Just like that I was down to one character, and the expendable joke at that. Rather than create a new one, I thought it would be fun to run with it. Play for the comic relief and absurdity of an alcoholic bum making his way across the reality torn land. But still looking for his next bottle of hooch.

Over the course of the adventures, I stuck with just Danny, while everyone else ran two characters. I was having too much fun playing this hell-bent come-what-may bum who turned out to be one hell of a healer. He developed special character moves, such as "You Can Hack It!!!!" where he would smack a character around, but instead of doing damage, it would heal them. The adventures eventually took the party to Washington D.C., where they were able to loot the Smithsonian. And loot they did.

In Torg, Reality can be influenced and grounded by powerful objects native to that reality. Things like George Washington's Sword would have a certain amount of reality-gravitas against competing realities. Well, in the ruins of the Smithsonian, Danny found Patton's uniform, and like any good bum, traded up for some new threads. Now powered by Reality! It was quite something to imagine this Jerry Garcia-looking old guy running around with a machine gun in one hand, a 5th of whiskey in the other, and wearing Patton's dress uniform laying down the lead against evil government agents, ninjas, and plant-people. All while kicking his teammates in the ass like a burly squad leader to get them back on their feet, which is what passed for "healing" under his build by the rules of the system.

But looking back, part of the fun of it was playing a character with no expectations to live, taking wild chances, and doing the best he can to survive through the end of the world, one bottle of alcohol at a time. For him, the end of the world was the best thing that could have happened. Reality as he knew it was a fate to probably freeze to death in the woods one winter night. With the world thrown topsy turvy he was someone who mattered again. In the regular social order he had no way to make his skills worthwhile. He was, essentially, worthless. He was one of the many forgotten souls who just fade away.

But as it turned out, it took the end of the world, but he had a life again. He mattered again, as he had not mattered since those jungles a world away in his youth. He had a team to fight alongside, and his medical training made him useful, and often necessary. As an archetype he was an underdog that everyone had given up on, but he still had real value. He was fun, he was funny, and in retrospect, he was a much deeper character than I appreciated at the time.

Knowing is Half the Battle, but the Campaign Lasts a Lifetime

As I approach a major turning point in my life, I've been reflecting on the many lessons I've learned over the years. I will be entering law school at the same age my parents were when they uprooted from their home and family in West Virginia, drove south, flipped a coin, and rebuilt their lives in the foreign land of North Carolina. I have faced that very real possibility myself; twice in fact. There have been two times in the past three years where I was a hair's breadth from packing everything I owned and moving to Orlando with nothing but a couple of very good, and very dear, friends to give me a safe place to crash, and whatever opportunity I could carve out for myself. I've never hit rock bottom before, but I've seen it from a not so vast distance that I couldn't see the jagged points down there. I've been reflecting on how I got here, and what I've learned in my nearly three and a half decades. The beauty and the bitch of life is that we learn something new everyday, and we will keep experiencing the same rotten outcomes if we fail to use what we learn, but the flip side is also true. If we use what we learn, then we can experience the same wonderful outcomes that can come our way.

Many of these lessons will overlap. Many of these lessons are contradictory. Welcome to being a human being. We are flawed, fragile beings, and live day to day, hour to hour, making decisions and living our lives the best we possibly can. We're not always going to live up to our own ideals, or those imposed upon us. We will, or we will not, but there is no final answer. Only another decision that comes our way.

So, here is what I've learned a priori, with absit invidia to any who taught me these lessons:

1. It can always be worse.
No matter how bad your life is, it can always be worse. That's just a fact, but it can also be comforting. It can help put things into perspective, and by realizing that you do have some things to be thankful for, you're never starting from zero. It helps to start from a point of strength, even if that's only the $10.00 in your pocket. It could be worse: you may not have had that $10.00.

2. Never mix friends and funds. This is tricky. I'd give anyone the shirt off my back if need be, but beware those who would take advantage of you. Family and friends are there to support one another. We are stronger because of our close relationships, but know when to say no more. Friends can come to expect you to subsidize them, and when that changes, you'll see how much your friendship changed as well. Money can and will ruin any relationship: family, friends, marriages, partnerships, etc. Keep money and your friendships as far apart as possible.

3. Know who your friends are.
This is important, if nothing else to keep you grounded. I've learned this lesson the hard way through my own stupidity, stubbornness, and downright inability to have thought clearly.

4. Know who your friends are not.
This is more important, and it's incredibly difficult to grasp. Only experience can teach you this, but always keep the door open for them to become your friends again. It takes two to ruin or heal a relationship, if you're doing more than 50% of the work, then wise up.

5. Support those you can, however you can.
You can't save everyone, but you can at least give them a leg up. If you can help someone, do it. You don't have to take care of them, but every little bit helps. From something as simple as buying them a refreshing beverage when their day sucks, to something as selfless as paying their rent when they are on hard times. But sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do. Know where the line is.

6. Know when to ask for help.
There is no shame in needing help. It is often the hardest thing to do, because pride is a hell of a wall to overcome. But know your limits. It is better to stop a free fall now than to hit bottom. We can't always stand on our own, and it takes strength to understand that, and act upon it.

7. Know your limits, but always try to exceed them.
Limits exist for a reason. They are the end of your safe zone. This is in all things, from physical, financial, social, and educational bounds. But that doesn't mean you can't cross that line, slowly, with measured focus, until that line moves. We all have limits. We will always have limits. But that doesn't mean we can't redefine them.

8. Do what is best for you.
Take care of #1. There is nothing wrong with being selfish. Be generous to yourself, as you would be generous to others. Enjoy your success, look for the next opportunity, and chose your sacrifices well. If you find yourself miserable, you have not done yourself any favors by the choices you have made.

9. Know why you believe what you believe.
Follow no one or no thing blindly. Do not judge until you have as many of the facts as possible. Blind faith is dangerous, and foolish. Faith manages. Faith is necessary. But know why you have that faith. You are cheating yourself if you don't.

10. Life travels in strange, loopy circles.
Good things come, good things go. The equally bad wings your way with a similar frequency. People you knew can always turn up, and people who leave your life may not be gone forever. Beware the bridges you burn. It's better to simply walk away, because you may travel that way again. However, if you burn a bridge, do it with style and no mercy, but do it with the full knowledge that it may come back to haunt you.

11. Treat others as you would want them to treat your _____.
We are all somebody's somebody. Treat everyone you encounter as you would want someone you care about treated by a stranger. If the stranger comes off the lesser person, then feel free to unload on them if necessary.

12. Life is too short for grudges.
Regardless of how people treat you, move on, because you're going to wake up one day and it will be your last day. It will come faster than you think. Holding negativity for too long hurts only yourself, and when your last day comes, do you want to reflect on your life and remember how much time you wasted on all that negativity?

13. A leap of faith can be the best thing you ever do, but be prepared to accept the consequences.
Sometimes the only step you can make in the right direction is off of a cliff with a fog shrouded bottom. It is extremely motivating to try to learn to fly on the way down, and it will force you to take actions you may not have done otherwise. In conflict there is growth and change, and new doors can open for you. But go into it with the full knowledge that it could turn out terribly wrong, leaving you worse than when you took the leap. Do this only when the unknown is preferable to the known.

14. Find what makes you happy and keep doing it.
I can't stress this enough. If you find something that brings you joy, for god's sake don't let go of it. Unless it's a crack pipe. That's not the kind of joy you need.

15. Enjoy the silence.
There is nothing like quiet time. We usually never get enough of it, but when you get it, relish it.

16. Enjoy the noise.
Make it, take it, and encourage it. Life is noisy, so as long as it's noisy, you're living a life worth living.

17. Always do what is right, even if it means you are wrong.
This cannot be stressed enough. It is always the right thing to do the right thing. There may be consequences, but pay them and move on. The hardest thing to do in many occasions is the right thing, as it seems contrary to human nature.

18. If you make a mess, clean it up.
Ask for help if you need it, but don't ever leave your problems or consequences for someone else to make right.

19. Know when to wash your hands, and decide whether you want to dirty them again.
Sometimes, the best and only thing you can do is walk away. Whether it's a person, place or situation, there will come times when you have to decide how much longer you are going to hold on. You will also be faced with when to take it up again, and whether it's worth it to try again. Do neither of these things in haste.

20. Know your mind, speak your mind, but never close your mind.
Know what you know, and never be afraid to express it. However, you will never know everything, and always be ready to accept that you are wrong. You could have old, incomplete, or downright wrong information. Challenge why you know what you know, and you will be closer to the truth of things.

21. Get what you want, want what you get, but don't fall in love with the idea of something.
If you examine your life closely, and you find yourself out of sync with the above, you will probably find you are not happy with your life.

22. Take time to appreciate what you have.
Whether it's an afternoon with your friends, family, children, pets, alone, or any combination of the above, make the time for it, and enjoy what you have struggled for. In life, you will have what you have, and will always want more. But don't let what you don't have overshadow what you do.

23. Always do right by your friends and family, even if they don't do right by you.
Those closest to you will often hurt you the most. We're just wired that way. But there is nothing more important in your life than those closest to you. We're all going to do the wrong thing to one another, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. But if we all try to do the right thing, we'll succeed with one another more than we fail.

24. Failure is not an option, but it happens.
Know it. Accept it. Fix it. Learn from it. Move on. Both with yourself and with others. We are imperfect beings. We are going to make mistakes. At work, at school, at home, in public, in life, ad nauseum. Life will be easier once you learn this, and you are able to forgive yourself and others for their mistakes.

25. Swear, often, frequently, and with imagination.
Polite company is essential, and by no means should you do so without regard to your surroundings. Depending on your job, it may be an essential method of communication, or it could be a firing offense. I would be appalled if one of my friends children mimicked some of the profanity of which I am proficient. It would be hilarious, in its own way, but inappropriate and a disservice to the child. However, a good swear is an art, a means to bond, and an exercise of linguistic imagination. Swearing is also a great stress reliever. Just, for everyone's sake, know where you are before you do so!

26. Laugh.
Seriously. Always do your best to find the humor in life. Somethings are not funny, but a good laugh at the worst of times can be a welcome thing. I am not a fan of funerals. I abhor them over almost anything, but a good wake is a great way to say goodbye. And a wake isn't any good if you're not rejoicing at the life of the departed. I prefer to remember those who are gone through the things that made me happy about them, and not their final slumber. So, laugh, even when it's the last thing you may want to do.

27. Developing a plan is always a step in the right direction.
You cannot go wrong with a plan. Even if it's just to get up in the morning and wash your dishes. A plan will give you a direction to go, goals to achieve, and quantifiable progress. A plan means you know how to solve a problem, and it will help you to get there.

28. Follow through with your plans.
Just having a plan is not enough. You have to have the energy and desire to accomplish the steps. An unfulfilled plan does you no good. Having a plan, but failing to act on it is self-delusion.

29. Be honest with yourself.
If you can't do this, your doing yourself a great disservice. You should have enough self-respect to do this. If you're happy being an alcoholic, then don't tell yourself you're not. No matter who you are and what you do, you should be able to look yourself in the mirror. If you can't, then you already know you're letting yourself down.

30. Money isn't everything, but it is necessary.
Money is the root of all evil. It will destroy lives as easy as it will make lives. It will not buy happiness, but it might buy opportunity. It will not buy love, but it will secure companionship. Money will decide value, but it does not establish worth. It will pay the rent, the power, the groceries, and it will keep life moving. It is a necessity, but it is not everything. If it is, you will never be happy, because there is not enough money in the world to buy happiness.

31. It can always be better.
Always strive to improve yourself. It's great to be content. It's great to be comfortable. It's great to be satisfied. It's not great to be complacent. Always try for just a little more. It's what makes life worth living.

There are as many lessons as there are days in our lives. This list is far from complete, and my answers may not be yours.

On Lawyering

Regardless of the various controversies, I like Facebook. It's a great way to keep up with friends and family from all over the world, and make new ones though common interests. I've connected with quite a few great people affiliated with Palladium. Lloyd Ritchey is one of them, and while I've never had the opportunity to hang out with him or his wife, I enjoy being their friend on Facebook. Something Lloyd said earlier today got me thinking about "lawyers and lockjaw" and I figured this might be a good time to expound on that subject, and with it my thoughts on the law profession.

Lawyers are universally reviled, or at least not thought well of in most circles. Lawyer jokes abound, and many of which are quite hilarious. They also cut to the quick because they are not far off the mark when it comes to some of those in the profession.

However, that's not to say that all lawyers are sharks, ambulance chasers, or downright thieves. What we have are a bunch of high profile bad apples spoiling it for the rest. No one likes lawyers. Until they need one. And even then some clients still don't trust us, and will go out of their way to make it hard to represent them. I believe that the opposite should be true. I'm probably going to have the vast majority of humanity disagree with me, but it won't be the first time!

I'm going to come right out and say that I believe that being a lawyer should be a much more respected profession. Being a lawyer means to serve others. We represent people who otherwise cannot speak for themselves. This ranges from the average citizen to the multi-billion dollar corporation, but the concept is still the same. It is a life of service that we have taken upon ourselves. I believe that who you choose to represent says a lot about your outlook on life and your approach to the law. I am probably going to sound pretentious and self-aggrandizing, but that is not my purpose. I feel something of a calling, so please don't misunderstand my opinion as hubris.

I have been fortunate thus far in my brief career in the law to have worked for two of the best plaintiff's law firms in North Carolina. I've also been affiliated with many other good firms and lawyers in the area acting as co-counsel on cases, so my experience has given me the opportunity to learn from the very best. The first was John Edwards' firm, which exclusively practices medical malpractice and personal injury. Regardless of the things John has said and done in his political career and personal life, his firm has done great things for people who had no one else to turn to. The second is the firm that I'm at now, which practices primarily workers' compensation, select personal injury, and legal negligence. Yes, we are one of the rare firms that will sue other lawyers for legal malpractice. We help the average person who has run afoul of those who give lawyers a bad name. We help keep the profession honest. In my experience, we see people on what are, arguably, the worst days in their lives. We are, many times, the only person on their side.

Of course, we are compensated for our services. But who isn't? Who goes to work everyday and does not expect to be paid? However, the concept of what is fair in terms of legal fees is debatable, and I won't get into tort reform. At least not at the moment. That's a topic all on its own. I will say that some lawyers are definitely over paid, and some awarded fees are over the top. But, litigating a case is a LOT of hard work. It's not a 9-5, M-F job. It requires hours of work, personal, social, and sometimes bodily sacrifice. It requires years of specialized schooling, and hard won experience to do the best job possible for the client. Practicing law is not flipping burgers, and those who work the hardest are compensated the most. That's no different than any other profession.

But that's not why I'm in the field I'm in. The prospect of making a good living is, obviously one of the reasons, but it's not at the top. In many ways, I'm good at what I do, so it only makes sense to pursue that as far and as fast as I can. I like the work, it makes me happy, but it's also right up my alley. I am on the road to establish myself doing what I love, making a decent living at it, and have no regrets about it. However, I also have personal reasons for practicing law. Particularly the field I'm in.

My family has always been workers. From the coal mines, to the railroad, to the timber industry, to the military, my family has always been laborers; the backs and shoulders of getting the work done. With that comes risk, and sometimes injury. My great-grandfather lost his leg in the coal mines. My grandfather died of the occupational diseases asbestosis and silicosis from years of working, unprotected, for the railroad. My father wore his body out providing for his family and was forced to retire on workers' comp and draw disability. They sought help from lawyers to make sure they got everything they were entitled to, and they did. In fact, my father was represented by the firm I work for now. So, when I say that I know exactly what my clients are going through, and I want to help them get what they are entitled to, I'm not bullshitting or practicing hyperbole.

I want to help those people out there like my family, who go to work everyday expecting to come home safe at the end of the day with an honesty earned paycheck. They didn't plan on getting hurt, they didn't plan on their employer trying to screw them out of medical treatment, and they didn't plan on having to fight for what's right, but they did. They came to find someone like me. Someone who will do right by them, get what is theirs by right and by law, and nothing more. And god help someone who is "faking it." My firm is actively involved in preventing workers' comp fraud from both the employer and the employee side. And you know what? It's usually the employer that's more guilty. There are bad apples on the employee side who try to take advantage of the system, and gives everyone a bad name. But the ratio of employee to employer fraud dollars is thousands to one. There are employers out there who would rather save a few thousand dollars a year and not have workers' comp insurance, which can end up costing them their business if an employee is hurt, not to mention criminal charges. Someone has to keep the system honest, and that's also what we do.

It would be great if we had less bad apples making splashes, and people would see that many of us who are in the legal field, especially the plaintiff's side, want to help people. If I could do it for nothing, I would. Maybe one day I'll be in a position to do just that. If I could open a majority pro-bono practice and still have my bills paid, a roof over my head and food in my belly, that would be the pinnacle of my career. I can't speak for anyone else, much less really defend the profession anymore than that, but that's where I'm coming from in my calling to practice the law.

Pax Vagari

A couple of Sundays ago, I was having lunch with two friends of mine, and one of them asked what I was going to do with my summer before things really get busy this fall. I don't think I really answered that question as fully as I could have. Allow me to correct that.

My plans before school starts in August include seeing my friends and family on every occasion that crops up, taking any opportunity that comes around to do something I enjoy, delving deeply in the stories of Robert E. Howard, rediscovering my love of comics, taking a vacation to D.C. before I start my legal studies, making plans and setting things up so I can concentrate on school when the time comes, and welcoming whatever comes everyday as a new adventure.

I've entered a period of my life that I call the Pax Vagari: peaceful wanderings.

What the Hell is a Rosh Vagari?

It's a natural question that I've answered in the past, but it bears repeating in the early days of my blog, as Rosh Vagari is an apt avatar for my blog as he is, effectively, my alter ego.

Rosh was a character for a D&D game back in 2005 ran by Enrique, a very old friend of mine. The concept behind Rosh was simple enough; a vagrant carpenter, healer, preacher, and survivalist. He did not start out as a Christ analogy, but it became quickly apparent that my subconscious was, divinely inspired, so to speak. So, I took willing inspiration from two versions of Christ. The first was the Christ of the Cleansing the Temple story. He walked in, kicked ass, and took names in the name of the faith. The other was of Christ the wandering healer and teacher, always one step ahead of the evil empire that ruled the land.

Rosh was the last favored of Vagar, the God of Travel in a land where the gods had long been defeated and their influence was all but cut off from the land. So, Rosh traveled the roads, using his skills as a carpenter and healer to better the lives of the people in the lands, preaching the wisdom of harmony and interconnection via the roads of life. He also got involved in a few adventures here and there, and lived up to the concept of the survivalist, as he was one tough SOB to put down. He dealt some serious damage with his quarterstaff and the various enchantments he could lay down. He was the epitome of "don't mess with the old man with the stick."

Furthering the Christ analogy, he could enchant his quarterstaff to grow wicked thorns that made that staff just LETHAL. (We're talking a 3rd level character with a two-attack magical weapon doing something like +8 to strike and damage when all bonuses are accounted for.) Crown of Thorns to Staff of Thorns; that was a nice piece of serendipity. Between the natural class abilities (Favored Soul) and the Feats and Spells in his arsenal, I think he was the toughest character I've ever built.

However, the Christ analogy was really a side effect of the original concept. Rosh was to be a traveler, ranging far and wide, learning, teaching, and adventuring where ever the path took him. The older I get, the more I fit that description. I took great care in developing his name, which says much about him, and helped shaped his development. Which came first, the destiny or the name? Good question.

Rosh Vagari has the unique etymology of being taken from two languages, half a world apart and about as far distant linguistically as they are geographically: Japanese and Latin.

Rosh is a clipping of the Japanese word "horosha," meaning "wanderer." Vagari is more intuitive for us English speakers, as it is where we get the words "vagrant, vagrancy, vagabond," and others. It is taken directly from the Latin word "vagari," meaning "to wander." So, his very name means "a wanderer who wanders." It also shows my insane, nerd-love for words and how we use them.

So, Rosh is the avatar of Polymathic Dromomania, and my alter ego. I have taken this character and concept to heart in my wanderings from my front door, to (literally) the other side of the world:


Souvenir coin from Enoshima Island in Japan: 2009

That the hell is a Rosh Vagari. Perhaps one day I'll get another opportunity to roll dice on his behalf. Until then, I'll be content to walk in his shoes for real for a while.